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I'm a Stranger Here Myself : Notes on Returning to America after Twenty Years Away View Larger Image

I'm a Stranger Here Myself : Notes on Returning to America after Twenty Years Away

Bryson, Bill (Author)

ISBN-10: 0767903811
ISBN-13: 9780767903813

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Excerpt from Book
Mail Call One of the pleasures of living in a small, old-fashioned New England town is that it generally includes a small, old-fashioned post office. Ours is particularly agreeable. It's in an attractive Federal-style brick building, confident but not flashy, that looks like a post office ought to. It even smells nice--a combination of gum adhesive and old central heating turned up a little too high. The counter employees are always cheerful, helpful and efficient, and pleased to give you an extra piece of tape if it looks as if your envelope flap might peel open. Moreover, post offices here by and large deal only with postal matters. They don't concern themselves with pension payments, car tax, TV licenses, lottery tickets, savings accounts, or any of the hundred and one other things that make a visit to any British post office such a popular, all-day event and provide a fulfilling and reliable diversion for chatty people who enjoy nothing so much as a good long hunt in their purses and handbags for exact change. Here there are never any long lines and you are in and out in minutes. Best of all, once a year every American post office has a Customer Appreciation Day. Ours was yesterday. I had never heard of this engaging custom, but I was taken with it immediately. The employees had hung up banners, put out a long table with a nice checkered cloth, and laid on a generous spread of doughnuts, pastries, and hot coffee--all of it free. After twenty years in Britain, this seemed a delightfully improbable notion, the idea of a faceless government bureaucracy thanking me and my fellow townspeople for our patronage, but I was impressed and grateful--and, I must say, it was good to be reminded that postal employees are not just mindless automatons who spend their days mangling letters and whimsically sending my royalty checks to a guy in Vermont named Bill Bubba but rather are dedicated, highly trained individuals who spend their days mangling letters and sending my royalty checks to a guy in Vermont named Bill Bubba. Anyway, I was won over utterly. Now I would hate for you to think that my loyalty with respect to postal delivery systems can be cheaply bought with a chocolate twirl doughnut and a Styrofoam cup of coffee, but in fact it can. Much as I admire Britain's Royal Mail, it has never once offered me a morning snack, so I have to tell you that as I strolled home from my errand, wiping crumbs from my face, my thoughts toward American life in general and the U.S. Postal Service in particular were pretty incomparably favorable. But, as nearly always with government services, it couldn't last. When I got home, the day's mail was on the mat. There among the usual copious invitations to acquire new credit cards, save a rain forest, become a life member of the National Incontinence Foundation, add my name (for a small fee) to the Who's Who of People Named Bill in New England, help the National Rifle Association with its Arm-a-Toddler campaign, and the scores of other unsought inducements, special offers, and solicitations that arrive each day at every American home--well, there among this mass was a forlorn and mangled letter that I had sent forty-one days earlier to a friend in California care of his place of employment and that was now being returned to me marked "Insufficient Address--Get Real and Try Again" or words to that effect. At the sight of this I issued a small, despairing sigh, and not merely because I had just sold the U.S. Postal Service my soul for a doughnut. It happens that I had recently read an article on wordplay in the Smithsonian magazine in which the author asserted that some puckish soul had once sent a letter addressed, with playful ambiguity, to HILL JOHN MASS and it had gotten there after the postal authorities had worked out that it was to be read as "John Underhill, Andover, Mass." (Get it?) bMain Description
The master humorist and bestselling author of A Walk in the Woods now guides us on an affectionate, hysterically funny tour of America's most outrageous absurdities. After living in Britain for two decades, Bill Bryson recently moved back to the United States with his English wife and four children (he had read somewhere that nearly three million Americans believed they had been abducted by aliens--as he later put it, "it was clear my people needed me"). They were greeted by a new-and-improved America that boasts microwave pancakes, twenty-four-hour dental-floss hotlines, and the staunch conviction that ice is not a luxury item. Delivering the brilliant comic musings that are a Bryson hallmark, I'm a Stranger Here Myself recounts his sometimes disconcerting reunion with the land of his birth. From motels ("one of those things--airline food is another--that I get excited about and should know better") to careless barbers ("in the mirror I am confronted with an image that brings to mind a lemon meringue pie with ears"), I'm a Stranger Here Myself chronicles the quirkiest aspects of life in America, right down to our hardware-store lingo, tax-return instructions, and vulnerability to home injury ("statistically in New Hampshire I am far more likely to be hurt by my ceiling or underpants than by a stranger"). Along the way Bill Bryson also reveals his rules for life (#1: It is not permitted to be both slow and stupid. You must choose one or the other); delivers the commencement address to a local high school ("I've learned that if you touch a surface to see if it's hot, it will be"); and manages to make friends with a skunk. The result is a book filled with hysterical scenes of one man's attempt to reacquaint himself with his own country, but it is also an extended, if at times bemused, love letter to the homeland he has returned to after twenty years away.Publisher Fact Sheet
Guides us on an affectionate, hysterically funny tour of America's most outrageous absurdities. After living abroad for two decades, Bill Bryson recently moved back to the United States with his English wife & their four children. They were greeted by a new-and-improved America that boasts microwave pancakes, 24-hour dental-floss hotlines, & the staunch conviction that ice is not a luxury item. Delivering the brilliant comic musings that are Bryson's hallmark, I'm a Stranger Here Myself recounts his sometimes-disconcerting reunion with his homeland. From motels to careless barbers, I'm a Stranger Here Myself chronicles the quirkiest aspects of life in America, right down to our hardware-store lingo, tax-return instructions, & vulnerability to home injury. Scene by guffaw-inducing scene, Bill Bryson proves that there's truly no place like home, especially if it's in America.Review Quote
Praise ForA Walk In The Woods: "[Bryson is] great company from the start...equal parts Garrison Keillor, Michael Kinsley and...Dave Barry." --The New York Times Book Review "[A] terribly misguided and terribly funny tale of adventure....The yarn is choke-on-your-coffee funny." --Washington Post "A Walk In The Woodsis an almost perfect travel book." --Boston Globe "Nobody has written anything like this book. It's funny--so funny I was laughing out loud and reading passages to anyone who would listen." --Providence Journal-Bulletin "Bill Bryson could write an essay about dryer lint or fever reducers and still make us laugh out loud." --Chicago Sun-Times
After living abroad for two decades, Bill Bryson recently moved back to the United States, with his English wife and four children. They were greeted by a new-and-improved America that boasts microwave pancakes, 24-hour dental-floss hotlines, and the staunch conviction that ice is not a luxury item.PDelivering the brilliant comic musings that are Bryson's hallmarks, I'm a Stranger Here Myself recounts his sometimes-disconcerting reunion with his homeland. From motels ("one of those things -- airline food is another -- that I get excited about and should know better") to careless barbers ("in the mirror I am confronted with an image that brings to mind a lemon meringue pie with ears"), I'm a Stranger Here Myself chronicles the quirkiest aspects of life in America, right down to our hardware-store lingo, tax-return instructions, and vulnerability to home injury ("statistically in New Hampshire I am far more likely to be hurt by my ceiling or underpants than by a stranger").PScene by guffaw-inducing scene, Bill Bryson proves that there's truly no place like home, especially if it's in America.Author Affiliation
Bill Bryson was born in Des Moines, Iowa. For twenty years he lived in England, where he worked for the Times and the Independent, and wrote for most major British and American publications. His books include travel memoirs (Neither Here Nor There, The Lost Continent, Notes from a Small Island) and books on language (The Mother Tongue, Made in America). His account of his attempts to walk the Appalachian Trail, A Walk in the Woods, was a huge New York Times bestseller. He lives in Hanover, New Hampshire, with his wife and their four children.
Introductionp. xi
Coming Homep. 1
Mail Callp. 5
Drug Culturep. 9
What's Cooking?p. 13
Well, Doctor, I Was Just Trying to Lie Downp. 17
Rule Number I: Follow All Rulesp. 20
Take Me Out to the Ballparkp. 24
Help!p. 28
A Visit to the Barbershopp. 31
On the Hotlinep. 35
Design Flawsp. 39
Room Servicep. 43
Consuming Pleasuresp. 47
The Numbers Gamep. 51
Junk-Food Heavenp. 55
How to Have Fun at Homep. 59
Tales of the North Woodsp. 63
The Cupholder Revolutionp. 69
Number, Pleasep. 73
Friendly Peoplep. 77
Why Everyone Is Worriedp. 81
The Risk Factorp. 85
The War on Drugsp. 89
Dying Accentsp. 93
Inefficiency Reportp. 97
Why No One Walksp. 101
Wide-Open Spacesp. 105
Snoopers at Workp. 109
Lost at the Moviesp. 113
Gardening with My Wifep. 117
Ah, Summer!p. 121
A Day at the Seasidep. 125
On Losing a Sonp. 129
Highway Diversionsp. 133
Fall in New Englandp. 138
The Best American Holidayp. 142
Deck the Hallsp. 146
Fun in the Snowp. 151
The Mysteries of Christmasp. 155
Life in a Cold Climatep. 159
Hail to the Chiefp. 163
Lost in Cyberlandp. 167
Your Tax Form Explainedp. 171
Book Toursp. 175
The Waste Generationp. 179
A Slight Inconveniencep. 185
At the Drive-Inp. 189
Drowning in Red Tapep. 194
Life's Mysteriesp. 198
So Sue Mep. 202
The Great Indoorsp. 206
Death Watchp. 210
In Praise of Dinersp. 214
Shopping Madnessp. 218
The Fat of the Landp. 222
Your New Computerp. 226
How to Rent a Carp. 231
The Wastelandp. 235
The Flying Nightmarep. 239
Enough Alreadyp. 243
At a Lossp. 248
Old Newsp. 252
Rules for Livingp. 256
Our Townp. 261
Word Playp. 265
Last Night on the Titanicp. 269
Property Newsp. 273
Life's Technicalitiesp. 277
An Address to the Graduating Class of Kimball Union Academy, Meriden, New Hampshirep. 281
Coming Home: Part IIp. 285
Table of Contents provided by Syndetics. All Rights Reserved.
Bill Bryson was born in Des Moines, Iowa, in 1951. In 1973, Bryson went backpacking in England, where he eventually decided to settle. He wrote for the English newspapers The Times and The Independent, as well as supplementing his income by writing travel articles. Bryson moved back to the States in 1995. His first travel book, The Lost Continent, chronicles a trip in his mother's Chevy around small town America. Since then, he has written several more about the U. K. and the U. S., including bestsellers, A Walk in the Woods, I'm A Stranger Here Myself, and In a Sunburned Country. His other books include Bill Bryson's Dictionary of Troublesome Words, Neither Here nor There: Travels in Europe, Made in America, The Mother Tongue, Bill Bryson's African Diary, and A Short History of Nearly Everything.
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Edition: 1999
Publisher: Broadway Books
Binding: Trade Cloth
Pages: 304
Size: 5.75" wide x 9.53" long x 1.15" tall
Weight: 1.10 lbs.
Language: English

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