I began writing poetry as a type of therapy, seems that most poets follow this guideline. I found that I wanted to be loved unconditionally by someone, and after many failed relationships I have still to find that. Never having therapy I always wondered what it was that I was missing in my life and why.
I had to turn back time to figure this out, first I was a physically, emotionally, and sexually abused child beginning at the age of five. My mother, not knowing any better found it necessary to really punish her children. Her anger was uncontrollable where she used whatever she could get her hands on to hit us with. I was hit with everything from a shoe to being stabbed with a knife. I was sexually abused by an adult for 14 years. I believe this is where not knowing what true love came from. I always felt that love was not a feeling but a doing. I wasn't showered with hugs and kisses, and verbal reinforcements of love, so I never expected them. I always thought you had to show someone love with other means.As a mother of two wonderful children, I made sure they were showered with lots of hugs, kisses, and verbal reinforcements. I taught them the difference in good touches and bad touches and kept the door open so that they would know I would always believe them and never blame them. As a single parent most of my life I feel I did a fairly good job of raising them.My life with men however didn't turn out the way I expected. Adult men have always had a hold on me, and I allowed them to take advantage of me, for I really never learned how that was supposed to work. Because of the sexual abuse I endured, I became submissive to them sexually. I hope one day to heal from the past and move on. I am learning how to love me, and understand that I don't need love from anyone else if I love myself first. Which brings me to my collection of poetry. I have wrote on many subjects of love. The love a mother feels for her child, the love a father should feel, and the love I wanted to have from so many different people in my life.
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